A Family Update
This year has been one of great loss for us and we fear this yearly update may not be filled with much gladness or good tidings. As Dave has recently joked, 2024 has been like a perpetual flaming bag of dog poop on the front porch of our lives. The crap just keeps showing up...
So where do we begin?
Well, January kicked off with the swift loss of Jen’s mom. A fall in September set off a domino effect on her health. The lumbar fracture she sustained led to prolonged periods in bed, decreased appetite and generalized weakness. She then struggled with an uncontrolled heart rhythm and a rapid progression of Alzheimer’s. Finally, a bout of Influenza proved too much for her weakened body to fight. We were grateful for the chance to have a beautiful afternoon together the day before her death where the five of us visited with her and even played a simple game together.
As Polar bears were her favourite animal and she loved the cold, a visit to the Calgary zoo on Jen’s birthday helped to bring a sliver of peace to the situation as we saw the polar bears lolling happily in the snow.
Her memorial at the end of January was a difficult one. Not only did we have to navigate all the stuff that comes with grief, but our family was also hit with a bad case of gastro the day before we were supposed to head to Edmonton (yup, literal crap). Unfortunately, this meant Cayla and Dave were unable to attend and Jen was in a much weakened state from the same. She did manage to get through the motions of the service including being able to honour her Mom by playing one of her favourite songs on the piano during the slideshow. As you would guess, she left feeling completely drained, both physically and mentally.
Meanwhile, Dave’s dad had been engaged in a fight for his life. Ironically, he had bowel cancer surgery on the very same day that Jen’s mom passed. Knowing that his time was limited, Dave returned to Australia mid January to visit. Dave treasured the time with his Dad, but he was torn between his anticipatory grief over his Dad and the need to be back home supporting Jen through the loss of her Mom.
Shortly after Bethany’s 13th birthday she had a hard fall on the soccer pitch and broke her right arm (humerus). She was disappointed to have her season cut short and, though present, was unable to play for a tournament that resulted in a gold medal for the team.
March and April brought a lot of ups and downs with Dave's Dad’s health. Struggling with severe pain, he was in and out of hospital with longer and longer successive stays. Feeling the urgency that time was precious, Dave again returned to Australia at the end of April for what would be his last visit with his Dad. As Dad was in hospital, Dave spent many hours at his side, watching cooking shows, reminiscing, visiting with friends, and of course, as only the Winters can do in such a situation – joking around.
It was also a blessing for him to be able to spend time with his Mum, Sister, Brother-in-law and amazing Nephew as well as a day exploring Sydney, which is always good for his soul. Saying goodbye for the final time was very hard but Dave will always treasure those last few “in person” words from his Dad – a prayer for our small family.
At the end of June, after suffering and fighting for many months, Dad was at peace. He received his reward in Jesus. It was heart wrenching for us to say goodbye and watch him pass over a video call, but we were thankful to be as present as we could be with Dave’s Mum and sister as we talked, prayed and sang together with Dad in his final hours. A couple of weeks later was Dad's funeral which we got to participate in via Zoom. Dave was even able to deliver his Dad's eulogy. It was uplifting to see so many honour and celebrate Dad.
You can listen to the Eulogy and watch the slideshow here.
The rest of the summer was a bit of a reprieve for us. The girls each went to sleepaway camp starting with Anaya who attended Camp Horizon, a specialized camp in nearby Bragg Creek. She also attended a two week day camp in Calgary which had her out swimming and visiting nearby attractions. Cayla then headed off to Pioneer lodge for horse camp, which she loved. Besides horses, she enjoyed “pond studies” as one of the leaders was a fellow bug enthusiast. Lastly, Bethany went to a two week Sr. Girls camp at Pioneer Ranch that included traditional camp activities as well as a 5 day horse riding out-trip, which was by far her favourite part.
In August we had a lovely family camping trip to Writing-on-Stone Provincial park in southern Alberta. Though the river was low due to a water dam issue, we enjoyed floating around in it as well as exploring the hoodoos. A day trip to a water park in Lethbridge and the birds of prey sanctuary topped off the trip. Later in month, Jen and the girls were joined by Jen's sister for a “girls-only” camping trip at Radium Hot Springs. Together they hiked, paddle boarded, and of course, enjoyed the hot springs.
September means school and so Anaya (14) entered Gr. 9 in the same school and class as the last two years. In a recent parent-teacher interview, her teacher boasted that Anaya has been a wonderful leader in class, showing the new students the ropes as well as thriving in her own learning. She continues to swim with the Dolphins and attends several social events with her teen group from PREP. A highlight of the fall was a cooking class that she attended with Cayla- we’ve been told her chopping skills are quite good and we all enjoyed the spoils of the class.
Bethany (13) was faced with a change in school for Gr. 8 due to a change in school district boundaries. She also faced a change in her soccer team as the team that she had been a part of for many years disbanded for various reasons. It was a difficult transition as she had been close with her teammates, however she was absolutely crushing it with her new team. We’re talking Ellie Carpenter vibes (the Aussies will understand).
In early December, in a frustrating turn of the knee, Bethany dislocated her patella. She has been benched once again. Perhaps watch out for the start up of a father and daughter podcast entitled “Crippled and Cranky” 😊 – as the only way to help manage all the change and loss seems to be with humour.
Cayla (11) started her last year of elementary (Gr. 6). She is loving that her three besties are in the same class with her. She has also had lots of leadership opportunities including crossing patrol and Kindergarten buddies. Earlier in the year she became the proud “mom” of two adorable gerbils (Jaq and Gus) that frankly, we all dote on, but that keep her busy.
With all of the loss and heartache of the year, we decided to take a family trip to Victoria in early November. We enjoyed walking along the shoreline and parks, visiting epic bookstores, going to a few museums, taking a harbour cruise, and trying out a game café for the first time.
Finally, we cannot end this update without mentioning the loss of our beloved dog of nearly 16 years, Austin, or as we mostly called him, Aussie. Aussie had been slowly declining over the last year, but we all chose to believe that he would stay with us forever. Mid November, after a day of snuggles with each member of our family, a visit from his beloved dog sitter, and a bit of time outside in the sun and grass, Aussie curled up and simply went to sleep in Jen’s arms. We miss him immensely. It's amazing how a little guy like him could leave such a big hole in our hearts.
So what can we say at the end of a long, hard, dark year? Is there hope for 2025? To be honest, some days it just doesn’t feel like it. Our hearts are heavy with grief. Some days, there are cracks of light and some days there are not. We hold on to simple beauty like seeing a flower bloom or watching the girls as they continue to overcome despite it all. If there is one thing we have learned, it is that loss is a universal experience and there is comfort in knowing that we are not alone; there is still some faith to hold onto, and we are thankful for those who have loved us in this season, thankful for each other and for our girls that spur us on in this complicated, beautiful, and broken life we live.
You can also download a “prettier” pdf version of this newsletter here.
Feel free to Discuss... or connect with me @dw@davewinter.online